Angela: You see; it is the great energy of giving itself forth, that obsesses me about the cherry blossom and you blog in a way like this- and it is this powerful energy of giving that is lost in our times, certainly in art. We want it all for free: and it doesn’tt work. I painted blossoms in 2005 quite intensely. It was hard work: so many petals and each one had to be loved! Just being there for each one was a kind of love school.
A Respectful Silence
Rodrigo: (silence) (I was recovering from my relapse)
Angela: Good morning Rodrigo. I begin my journey to Berlin and later in the week, to the US- with you in the train, reading ‘gay love and its broken bridges.’
It touches me in many places. Dealing with love is so challenging because typically what touches you deeply, you want to have for your own.That is our dilemma, our lack of trust: when one is happy, one clings and wants to own it. If it is one’s own, then it does not belong to the other. It does’nt work. The bridge is broken. Then on the otherside of the same love coin, there is the running away to avoid loss.
Similarly, in the process of creation for the artist; when a work (or even a single brushstroke) is successful; that is to say it reaches a point of freedom, autonomy and resonance; the satisfaction can be like some sweet venom, suck one in to want it again.
It too does’nt work. It seems to be that sustainable relationships in art or in love require a genuine interest in the ‘other. ‘
How I can cry over a brushstroke that for some reason holds every breath of my existence, every atom of my soul: the almost unbearable awareness that can be so beautiful and so brief; and cannot be owned. It is there between the momentary completion and the deep sense of loss that we weave the fabric of our empathy. And this somehow, opens love.
That was what it was in THAT calligraphy: that unfathomable empathy.
The minute one’s consciousness is outside the box, the fragile state of temporality governing our whole existence is at once everywhere. What if one embraces this? I think we would do better dealing with love and would blame less.
Humans need art to take them to those in-between realms, where the real cannot be boxed and love can flower.
When I read your writings on gay love, what comes to my mind more than anything is love as such. I like it when you bring the zoom in close, to where the discussion goes beyond the categorical and opens the mind.
Yes In-betweeness. A good word. It is here where there is space for vibration; be that in art or in love. An important discussion in relation to both: that which questions the confines of ownership and presumed knowledge; possession, in the largest sense of the word, can bring about a sort of death/prevent the creative.
It was a rich insight you made into the venus painting (she refers to my analysis of the Rokeby Venus HERE) Why do we have the notion that something imagined is not real! Look at a teaspoon for 2 hours; the notion of reality becomes very ambiguous and the more one enters that state of ambiguity, the more whole and complete one’s experience becomes.
Love is mostly doomed because one thinks one knows the one one loves. And one wants the love how and when one needs it. It does’nt work. We set ourselves up for failure wanting to pin down our loved ones, (or our brushstrokes.) Kill the possibility for love to happen.
My next book will be called- love school
Rodrigo: Hello Madam.
I wrote that article on my way to Buenos Aires. I cried on the plane all the way. The whole flight. Imagine… 17 hours. To be honest, I am finding it harder and harder to identify with that person. I am changing. I can see that I am finally growing.
My last relapse was a fortress that I had to burn. It was a corrective for the person that I was becoming and I didn”t want to become. I guess that is the reason why I hid away from you and very relevant people. For a week or two, I didm;t know who I was or who I wanted to become anymore. The blog was becoming messianic and I was becoming a romantic representation of myself.
The truth is that the person that was claiming a bridge back then wanted a bridge to his addictions embodied in a very beautiful image of innocence that did not exist in reality. I cried so much about that guy. It was hardly about him. It was about this idea of neediness for a world that I was scared to get hold of. It is time I man up. I need to raise to my emotions and handle them. I am surrounded by a lot of love and art. The blog is becoming big. Yeterday, there were 18,000 clicks and most importantly, I am finding a language to connect to the young artists of my country. That fills me with pride.
I think that your art has something very important to tell the young. The beauty of contentment. The choreography of restraint. The loyalty of a vision.
Rodrigo: (Ann is coming to London. I am excited and nervous).